Adjusting to life with two children

This whole mother of two thing has been all sorts of wonderful but at the same time, challenging. Lola is such a sweet calm baby and Dash has been so good with her that it almost seems too good to be true. But even though things are going smoothly, the mama guilt is real. Worries of am I not loving on Dash enough? Is he jealous when I nurse Lola or rush to her when she fusses? Do i love my children equally? 

See, Dash was an extremely fussy baby. Nothing about his first year came easily- we had a rough start with nursing (luckily, we got the hang of it and nursed for 18 beautiful months), he was very colicky and cried non stop as a newborn on top of me having postpartum baby blues, then as he grew out of the colicky stage he developed a stubborn streak a mile wide. Things weren't always easy but the struggle made us stronger. The bond we developed was so special because we fought for it. Countless sleepless nights, tantrums, teething nightmares, and night terrors all brought us to where we are today. And I must say, Dash is and always has been the light of our lives. He has turned into such a sweet and loving toddler- always giving mike and I hugs and kisses and doing little things he knows will make us proud like bringing us our drinks and our shoes when we're getting ready. My heart feels like it might burst when I look at his big blue eyes and pouty lips and I think to myself- how did I make such a perfect little human? 

Then came Lola, my sweet daughter. Who I'm going to say, just might be my easy child? *knock on wood*... She came out nursing like a pro, grunts when she wants to be fed, doesn't care who's holding her, and spends her waking time staring around contently. She's the newborn I've always heard about- I just wasn't sure they actually existed! Yet here she is, curled up beside me peacefully asleep. 

It's hard for me to wrap up what I'm trying to say because I think it's difficult to even make sense of it in my head. But that's postpartum hormones for you right? I'm sure these feelings will fade as I adjust to life with two children. I just hope they both know how much they're loved and never feel like they're second best. I was blessed with two beautiful babies and for that I'm so very grateful.