NEW YEARS PREPARATION.

How great is this calendar from Rifle Paper Co? Definitely on my wishlist.

We're getting dangerously close to the start of 2013 and I realized I haven't made any resolutions or set any goals yet. I normally don't participate in the "new years resolution" thing as I feel that any day is as good as any to make positive changes in your life. This year though, it just sounds right. It sounds necessary. In 2013 I'm going to have a family. My own family. 2012 was filled with, how do I put this... some memorable times. I spent a lot of the first part of the year doing nothing positive for myself. I spent a lot of it drinking heavily- happy in the moment, but unhappy in the long run. I didn't like where my life was headed, but I was also too comfortable in my ways to make a change. And as bad as I'm making it sound, it wasn't all bad. I had fun. I just wasn't the person I saw myself being at 23. It's hard for me to sit here and type this. I guess it's just hard for me to admit my faults. (Something I will need to work on in 2013)

Then comes the second half of 2012. On August 10th I found out I was pregnant. I sat on the toilet, positive pregnancy test in hand (sorry for the visual!) and that was it. I was no longer responsible for only myself. I was 100% responsible for somebody else. Somebody who, at the time, was physically no more a human than a little tiny seed is a tree. But the tiny little person inside me was very much alive and it was my duty to make sure it grew and developed properly. That was when I knew my life had to change. That was when my life DID change.

After the shock and disbelief wore off, Mike and I were ready and excited to accept this little person into our life. Since we had been engaged since 2010 and events arose that put planning a wedding on the back burner, we decided what better time to have a wedding. We got married on October 6th 2012. A beautiful day in my memory.

Now as we are approaching 2013, and I look back on the year, I'm both embarrassed and proud. There are so many things that I'm ashamed of. Being completely irresponsible, drinking too much, spending too much money on cigarettes. The list could probably go on, but I don't enjoy dwelling on my shortcomings. I would rather look at 2012 as the year that I changed for the better. More than I could have ever imagined... and I am so looking forward to this next year being even better than the second half of this year was.

I guess I did make a goal for 2013. To be the best version of myself as I can. I have already learned so much about my potential in the past 6 months and I'm excited to see how I will grow into even more of a mother once our son is born. I'm excited for new adventures, new places, new memories. I want to sit here at the end of 2013 and say, "This year was perfect. If I had the chance to do it again, there's nothing I would change."

And so my new years mantra is born- Next year will be perfect. And when it's over, there will be nothing I would want to change.